blabbity blah blah
okay…I am a fan of lists…so I am going to list out random shit to try and figure out why I’ve felt so out of sorts lately…
Everyday Feelings:
-Tired
-Content
-Amused
-Focused
-Artistic
-Annoyed
-Curious
-Hyper
-Hungry
Things I Do Everyday
-Wake Up
-Eat
-Take Kyle to School
-Go to Work
-Work
-Run Errands
-Work
-30-45 Minute Drive Home
-Sit and figure out what to do
-Do nothing and go home
-Feel bad for coming up with nothing to do
-Watch Weeds
-Sleep
What I Want
-TO FUCKING DO SOMETHING!
-Money
I have a problem…I’m 19 years old…I am way too young be in the house all the time…but everything is so damn expensive…I am too creative to NOT come up with something that doesn’t empty my bank account…or anyone else’s…I feel like an old lady who can’t be outside…this is ridiculous…I am stuck in this rut and its annoying…I seriously need to thank the people who put up with me on a daily basis because I can be downright cold and vicious and thats not okay…and it’s like a cycle: need to do something=can’t do something because of certain restraints=get annoyed=take out on everyone else. So…from now on I need to:
Know that if I want to do something that doesn’t involve sitting at a fucking park I need to speak up.
If my lovely boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with me and just wants to be home…it’s not the end of the world…I do fall asleep and wake up next to him almost every night…I need to get over it
Realize that expectations reduce joy…If I expect something to happen and it doesn’t then it makes things 10 times worse. But if I go into a situation expecting nothing then anything that happens will be a surprise either way.
Stop caring about what other people are saying or thinking…I already think at 1000 miles an hour and it’s usually about stuff that doesn’t even matter…imagine how much energy I waste caring about what other people say or think…it’s exhausting!
Realize that people are human and make mistakes and it is NOT my job to judge them on their mistakes because I am human too and I make mistakes and I wouldn’t like it if people judged me on every little mistake I made.
Stop bringing up the past. There is a reason why “the past” is called “past”…because its done and over with…we grow and learn from things in our past but we can’t grow and learn if we keep bringing up the past…even to other people…if someone hurt me, I need to acknowledge that, learn from it and move on…another part of my thought process that can be eliminated.
Exercise more. I already exercise at least twice a week…but I want to try and do more…I always feel my best after I exercise.
Get my bike from my house and bring it over to where I live now. I love bike rides and I need more bike rides.
Designate a day where I can just spend with my friends…I need more days/nights like that because I always have an awesome time.
I need to learn to talk less and listen more. Most people don’t understand that talking is my way of understanding something…when I read something and don’t understand it, it always helps me to read it out loud and get a logical process going in my head…its the same with people…if someone says something to me, I have to either put it terms or a perspective that I understand or ask the person to explain it again.
Think things through. This is the thing that I have the most trouble with: thinking vs. reacting…I honestly think that I will be a better person once I get this down…it’s taking some time and alot of mistakes but people have stuck by me while I try really hard to get this concept.
…I think that’s it for right now…I will probably think of more…but for right now I can just focus on those :) Thanks for listening everyone? I’m going to try and actually write things now that I have my computer back and everyting…I will let you all know how my quest for being a better person is coming along. :)